http://antispore.com/
There. That's how I'll start it.
Electronic Arts, under the aegis of a designer named Will Wright, recently released a computer game called Spore, a project that has been highly anticipated for several years. The thesis of the game is that a player starts with control of a primitive single-celled life form, which he/she then evolves into an animal, gives it intelligence and civilization, and eventually expands outward into space. Now, notice the recurring theme of evolution; naturally this would attract some outrage from various, um... anti-evolution explanations of the origins of life. (Henceforth we'll call everything that falls under this sort of belief "alternative science", since they prefer an alternative to the more traditional, logic- and evidence-based methods of study science is known for.) One of these such complainants, which has gained a lot of attention in only a few days - perhaps due in no small part to its rather audacious presentation - is antispore.com.
I recommend that you read the blog itself, as it is (as of today's post, anyway) not all that long, although that may change in the next few days depending on how much flak it continues to receive. I don't want to pick it apart piece by piece here, but there are certainly a few points worth specific attention. Firstly, the site's main grievance with the game, and Will Wright in particular, is the dispute of creationism. The author is very distressed that Mr. Wright would so flagrantly blaspheme against the universe's true creator, Bible - and its ever-faithful servants, God and Jesus. The author goes on to quote various statements of Bible, a book so prodigious that it is capable of corroborating itself - a miraculous feat we cannot ask of anyone or anything else in this world. (Or so I've heard, anyway; I've never read through the whole guy's blog, though I am currently chipping away at the blog of His red-headed cousin, Book of Mormon.) Of course we cannot "interpret" Bible's statements any more than you can "interpret" your friend when he says "the sky is cloudy today" - your friend is right there, and you just heard his exact words! Well, Bible's blog is right there for you to read, as surely as my blog is here for you to read with crystal clarity. The only difference is that Bible is, of course, infallible; whereas you would be prudent to ask me to show evidence when I make a claim, you would be wrong if you asked Bible for the same thing. Bible is omnipotent, He can't be wrong. Hell, He says so Himself in his own Blog.
But back to the subject at hand. The author of antispore (or authors, I confess I can't determine which) has made several noteworthy claims. I'll overview them here:
- Bible created Man in His own image.
It is therefore blasphemous of Mr. Wright to suggest that anyone else - be they man, woman, wookiee, nausicaan, or those cg things from that mediocre Tim Robbins movie - could undertake the task of creating life, which is the domain of Bible and Bible alone. Furthermore, the notion that creatures need take another appearance is itself blasphemous, as Bible specifically created Man in His own image - that means two arms, two legs, and a penis for every vagina its married to, nothing more, nothing less.
-Spore attempts to draw children from Bible's flock and into its evil fold.
Spore indoctrinates innocent children into the pursuit of evil, prurient things like understanding, reason, and the idea that all knowledge is not immediately available to us, Bible's creations. However, this is incorrect - Bible's own blog says He is correct, not Charles Darwin. If we can't trust Bible, who can we trust? Charles Darwin? Bible never said "and Charles Darwin created the heavens and the earth, and it was good".
-Spore allows for users to create pornographic content.
Using rudimentary coding skills, users are easily able to take control of their creations' actions and force them into engaging in extramarital relations. Bible specifically said: Man shall lay with Woman. Not "Man shall lay with Raditrax".
Although, I'm a little confused on this last part, because if Bible created everything, and Rule 34 is part of everything, then surely Bible created Rule 34, right? I've tried posting comments on Bible's Blog asking Him for answers, but He never got back to me.
So basically, the problem with Spore is the same as with general science, and astronomy, and evolution, and most of politics, and pretty much everything else humanity has come up with as a means of trying to better their own world instead of waiting for answers to be handed to them since the year 1700: It goes against Bible's teachings. And when Bible has taught that Bible is always right, you are wrong to question Him.
What a crock of shit.
This blog is the latest in a millenia-long shitstorm of attempts by people who would rather sit back and plunder the earth around them, because "god will provide". What part of the Bible's teachings shows anyone that "god will provide", exactly? The part where Jesus spends all his time tending to the sick and destitute? Or the part where Jesus says "everything I tell you is just a story, take the moral, don't take it literally"? Those points certainly aren't observed by the christian right of America, supposedly the nation God "chose" to lead the rest of the world into victory over Satan - nevermind what anyone else thinks, we're going to put aside all other wordly concerns and save god's children, come hell or high water. And why are we going after only Will Wright? Walt Disney made a duck talk and fight fascism a century ago, let's go get him! Family Guy's dog drives a hybrid and votes democratic, for god's sake!
In fact, I... okay, is this long enough? Now I can get to the real point of this post?
Antispore.com is a spoof site. A fake. Yeah, that's right. It's actually a test of something called "Poe's Law". Poe's Law says that if you make a post in the guise of a religious rant in order to pastiche it, no matter how deliberately absurd you make it, some significant group of people are going to mistake it for the real thing. And the test was a remarkable success.
You know how I found out? Through a ton of hard work and investiga... actually, by clicking on the "The Real About Page" link at the top twenty seconds after first coming to the page. I don't know how long that part has been there, but I know the three people who sent me this link since this morning missed it, because they were as hoodwinked as a good chunk of the 1,744 posters on the site's most recent update were. So I don't know exactly how long it's been available for people to see, though judging by the comments I'd say about 2:41 am on September 13th is a rough estimate. But two will get you five that a number of people will continue to miss that part for some time to come. I am man enough to admit that I would definitely be one of the fooled had I not seen that page.
My purpose is not to criticize people who miss that page of the site - or, more importantly, the people who miss the tongue-in-cheek humor of the whole thing. As I said, I would be one without having looked at the "real" explanation page (so if I can make a criticism of readers, it would only be of people who do not perform a cursory examination of the entire site). My purpose is not to criticize the authors for seeking to hoodwink a populace of readers, or for painting religion in a bad light.
The reason I can't criticize the authors for attacking religion is the same reason I would have fallen for their ruse: Because nobody is really falling for anything. Antispore is not a pastiche or parody, it is what some of these crazy fuckers actually believe. The authors of Antispore have not created anything more absurd than their chosen material has already made.
The Earth was created in 4004 B.C. Okay, fine. Man walked with dinosaurs in the garden of eden, where I guess everyone was a vegetarian, from the mighty spinosaur right down to the meager compsognathas. Sure, I can believe that - hell, they only turned nasty because these jerks tried to play God, we saw it right there on the silver screen! Ugh... it's a little difficult to continue, but Antispore didn't create a mockery, they just called attention to an existing one in a creative way. I just want to point out that we shouldn't let our focus stay on either the authors' hilarity or their victims' gullibility for too long, because the source material deserves far more attention than this brilliant but limited blog can give to it all by itself.
More than anything else, I want to call attention to the fact that you can't pastiche crazy people who are a living pastiche of themselves every day. Let me give you an example: I went to private catholic school all twelve years of primary and secondary. The reason was no more religious than my parents; they wanted me to get a good education is all. (When I found out in 11th grade that a friend of mine in the local public school system had spent three months of English class following his teacher's lesson plan of watching seasons two through four of the Sopranos because he didn't give a damn about teaching anymore, I am inclined to agree with their decision.) I have been an atheist for nearly all of that time and since - actually, I'm really an agnostic, not an atheist, but I always called myself an atheist because I got tired of trying to explain to people what "agnostic" meant - but here's the event that solidified my abandonment of Abrahamic faith, from my religion class in kindergarten. (Editor's note: Some of the wordings have been paraphrased to make the author sound more perspicacious than he really was when he was 6, though the bulk of the story itself is true. Remember, the author is not Bible, you don't have to take his words literally.)
Teacher: So God created the world in 6 days. Adam and Eve were the final additions God made before he went to rest on the 7th day.
Me (burgeoning sinner): Excuse me, Ms. Teacher? What about the dinosaurs?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Me: If God created the Earth in 6 days and people were there right then, what about the dinosaurs that existed millions of years ago?
Teacher: Oh. Well... You see, God, made a practice Earth that he put dinosaurs on, before he made the Earth in Genesis. Then when he was done with that Earth, he blew it up and formed it into the Earth we are on. That's the Genesis story.
Me: Oh, okay. Um, Mrs. Teacher?
Teacher (getting annoyed): What is it?
Me (sinful neurons firing away): If God blew that first Earth up, why would the dinosaur bones be in good shape to be found by us? Wouldn't they be destroyed?
Teacher: God didn't want to destroy the memory of his animals.
Me: Just the animals themselves, minus their bones?
Teacher: Yes. Finished?
Me (earning rosary readings by the minute): No. If God is perfect, why would he need to make a "practice" Earth? Couldn't he do it right the first time with no worries? Furthermore, if God has infinite energy, why would he need a whole day to rest? Because even the effort of creating a universe should take exactly 0% of his power.
Teacher (regretting the repeal of teacher's rights to cane students): He just did.
Me (already carving a bust of my new heathen god Charles Darwin into my desk): Pursuant to these matters, why did God punish man for the creation of the Tower of Babel? It seems to me that all those people really wanted to do was work together and unite as one people; why did God punish their fraternity when Jesus came along later to claim that is all he wants for His children?
Teacher: *No response, having hung herself from the roof with a giant rosary noose*
There you go, instant anti-Abraham recipe. I'd go on save that my eye is starting to twitch, but I hope you get the point.
